Covid-19, Stess. amd Family Violence!

by Barb Harvey

Over the years as a parent coach, domestic violence group leader, and working with Child Protective Services in both Missouri and Georgia, I have learned that during times of high stress both domestic violence, elder abuse, and child abuse cases rise. Violence in these cases is used as a stress reliver for the abuser. Therefore, if you know of any family dealing with these issues here are a few thoughts on helping them during this time.

1. Encourage women to review and put into practice their Safety Plan.

2. Offer to take the kids for a few days.

3. Pay attention to how your elderly relatives are doing. Check in with their caregivers often, provide them respite and breaks to keep the stress down.

4. Call your local Child Protective Services Office is you suspect violence. Or call the National hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

5. Get in touch with your local Domestic Violence Shelter and get information on emergency placements. For information you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

6. Ask questions.7. Be willing to listen and offer support.

8. Call the police if necessary.

9. Think first do not do things that will put you or your family in danger.

10. If needed be willing to deliver food and other necessary items anonymously, if necessary.

11. Trust you gut and intuition. Sometimes we think something is off and then we talk ourselves out of it. Even if we are wrong it is better to be wrong and work to protect friends and family.

Child abuse and domestic violence are serious issues which are compounded by stressful time. This is a worldwide stressor. Watching out for those we love is important during this time. So, as you watch out for the health and well-being of your elderly relatives to ensure they are protected from cobid-19. Also, pay attention to ensure they are also being protected from abuse. Check in with those you know and suspect who are victims of family violence and do what you can safely do to help them. Be kind, loving and supportive.

Believe in Parenting

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8 Suggestions Parents to Quarantine with Kids!

The experts are telling us what to do to keep ourselves heathy and safe when dealing with this new virus. Thins like washing our hands more, using hand sanitizer, covering those coughs and sneezes, fist bumping instead of hand shaking, and beginning to stock up on things we will need should a quarantine be necessary. We here at Parents, Teachers and Advocates have some suggestions regarding keeping the kiddos happy should a two-week stay at home be necessary. This is just another thing to do in order to make a quarantine something that will later bring back fun memories and times when your family got time together to build relationships. Plan to make it fun.

1. Recipe Kits-put together kits of your kid’s favorite meals from scratch. Make chicken nuggets from scratch. What are their favorite cookies? When you net in the ki5chen with your kids you make more than food you make memories. Take pictures.

2. Boardgames-buy some boardgames. Monopoly, Life, and Cashflow, are all games it takes hours to play. This is a great way to spend and afternoon.

3. Audible-Download some of your favorite children’s novel to listen to as a family. Pop some popcorn, get some drinks, get cozy and listen.

4. Watch the Movie-download the movie version of the book to watch.

5. Expand Learning-Plan to watch some On Demand Shows regarding things your kids are studying in school. The History Channel, Discovery Channel, and many others have fascination documentary about a variety of topics.

6. Quiet time-Get set for quiet time get new: coloring books, graphic novels, prepaid cards so they can download new games, music, and books, art supplies, Lego kits, puzzles, and other things that involve kids working with their minds and hands to help them think and create.

7. Backyard Fun-Fresh air and sunshine are important. Your kids need about of hour outside each day. Plan some outdoor activities. If you are living in a cold climate it may be to play tag or run around looking for things to make nature collages. If you live in warmer climates things like cricket, lawn bowling, chalk drawing on the patio, tossing the football, baseball, getting up a game of soccer or even practicing. Whatever, your kids like to do outdoors.

8. Scrapbooking-Get a bunch of scrapbooking supplies. Pages, stamps, makers, stickers, letters, etc.

Take pictures of all the above and print them. Then, create our Quarantine scrapbook. It can be something kids can use to help tell the story of this monumental event.

Parents we at PT&A hope this list helps you to think about the things to help you prp for the kids in case of quarantine. Please share any other suggestions you may have in our comment section.

Love Parenting!

Tje Six Components of Effectie Parenting

Over the years as I have been developing my philosophy of parenting, I have come to determine several things I think are very important. The first is:

There is outside of the issues of abuse/neglect in the realm of normal parenting there is no such thing as a good or a bad parent. Parents are either effective or ineffective. The children of effective parents grow to become adults who know who they are, what goals they have or want to achieve, how they want to live in society, and are independent thinkers who can make good decisions. This is what every parent wants to help their children grow into. I have come to think there are six things effective parents need to possess and pass onto to their children.

1.      Authenticity

The ability to live life true to yourself determined by your own sense of values and lived out by aligning belief, thought, feeling, words, and actions.

2.      Emotional Regulation

The ability to recognize how you are feeling and to not allow those feelings to control your behavior and actions. Rather choosing to only make decisions when you are in a calm and rational frame of mind.

3.      Communication/Listening

The ability to clearly share thoughts, expectations, and constructive criticism in order to help children to understand and be able to predict with 100% accuracy the resists pf disobedience and bad behavior choices. This also involves listening paying attention to body language, voice inflection, facial expression, and other nonverbal cues to know what your child is trying to tell you. This involves asking open-ended questions to probe what and how they are thinking. The purpose of which is to root out mistaken thoughts to help children think and understand getter how life works.

4.      Connection

Parents make the choice of putting relationship above all other aspects of their parent-child relationship. Choosing to build their relationship with every encounter especially when discipline is required.

5.      Discipline

Parents recognize the ultimate tool of discipline is to help children to develop the skills to control their own behavior. They use predetermined rules and consequences to set boundaries to help their children operate and make age appropriate decisions within the boundaries. When the boundaries are breeched they use emotionally regulated communication and listening to have a conversation about the breech and examine with their child the thought process which allowed them to ignore the boundary and discuss where the mistake was made and how to make a better decisions in the future. They then apply the consequence. Once the consequence has been satisfied, they move to speak the child’s love language to repair any breech to the relationship.

6

   Growth

These parents recognize they need to unders5tand more and more about kids how they think, where they might be mistaken in thinking and hoe to help them. They also recognize they may need support in a variety of areas; they seek help. They read books, take classes, hire parenting coaches, attend workshops and seminars on different topics and are constantly looking for ways to consistently improve in all the above areas. They own the fact tha5t the parent-child relationship is their responsibility and take seriously the needs their children have for them to be effective.

I say that every parent who chooses to can have a happy, healthy, deeply emotionally connected lifelong relationship with each child if they choose. The above six steps outline the way these relationships are achieved.