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Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Back to School: Understanding Multiple Intelligence

Understanding Intelligence

Each of us has a primary, secondary, and tertiary form of intelligence. Dr. Howard says each of us have all nine. However, we all have some which are stronger. This is important because the more we engage in activities and practices which spark our brains the better we think and are prepared to learn new information.
The following Multiple Intelligence Inventory is designed to help you tap into your top three intellectual bents and begin to use them to help you empower your brain to engage.



     Understanding one’s intellectual bent is of utmost importance.  Learning especially in childhood is the primary function of life.  It affects our comprehension of information and the ability to put it into use. 

     Parents need to know how their teen’s brain engages best.  This is important on several fronts.  First of all, what parenting is the training of teens to become fully functioning adults requires the trainer (parent) know the best way to impart learning.  This is seriously needed when trying to teach right from wrong, setting boundaries, and instituting expectations.  A child whose brain is engaged through reading might get a better understanding of these things through a parental letter or a book on the topic.  However, a child who brain engages through music might get it better if the parent puts it in a rap or has the teens put the expectations into a song. Also, it allows parents to set up the home to promote all kinds of learning for their teens.






     Secondly, in helping the child to become more self-aware, knowing their own brain engagement will help teens especially older ones to set up homework, or learning times in a way which is best for them.  For instance, someone who brain is at its best through naturalistic means might have a higher learning curve studding outdoors, or with a cd of nature sounds in the background.

     Third, and perhaps just as important as the others maybe more is explaining to the child’s teacher how she can set up the classroom to meet the intellectual bent of your child; allowing both the home and the school environment to support the principles life-long learning.


Believe in Parenting 

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Master Parenting Part Two:Take care of your Body

 Back in the 70's-90's there were ads saying "put children first". The theory is children are young and vunerable and they need to take priority. However, I am coming to believe more and more a parent needs to keep their health and Well-being in mind as well. Parents who are tired, run down, and lacking in good self care do not have what they need to parent effectively. In addition, children live what is modeled before them if parents do not practice quality self care children will not either as they age.

Body, Soul, and Spirit are the make up of each individual person. Each aspect of a persons being needs a particular form of care. What we all need is similar however it varies in terms of physical, emotional, and mental make up. This blog post is focused on the body. The body is your physique; the form, size and make up of your person. There are five areas of care when it comes to your body: eating, drinking, exercise, sleep/rest, going to see medical professionals.

EATING-We tend to eat things that taste good and feed the stomach but not the body. Did you know it is possible to feed the stomach and still starve the body? We do it everyday. If you tend to eat primarily carbs and meat and rarely eat fruits and vegetables, guilty. If you eat at a fast food joint more than four times a week, guilty. If you eat foods and vegetables primarily non-organic (genetically modifiedFoods), guilty. If you do most of your grocery shopping down the aisles and not on thr permeates, guilty. In other words the American diet. During the ten minutes I studied nursing I took organic chemistry. It is the study of the bodies processing on a cellular level. I learned no matter what we ingest it all gets broken down into molecules which are combined with others to feed the cells. The body needs certain molecules which only comes from plants in order to process certain foods. In addition plants tend to contain at a cellular level not only the nutrients we need but the enzyme the body needs to properly absorb the nutrients. So, what I am saying is your Mama was right you need to eat your veggies.  Organic, local and fresh is best. Organic frozen is next. Organic canned. If you can not eat organic local fresh or frozen is your best choice. Red meat is all that bad, but grass fed beef is less likely yo have hormones. The same is true of free range poultry.
  
DRINKING-Water intake is most important here. The average person should drink half their body weight in ounces every day. They used to say eight, eight ounce glasses. But, that was when the average woman weighed between 120 &130 pounds. Now that weight varies so much this is the standard. You can drink other things as well coffee, tea, juices are better than soda, fruit punches or kook-aid. You can cut down on juice by doing half water half juice. If you are going to drink diet soda try Zevia it is made with stevia a natural sugar substitute. It is available in most health food stores and many Kroger's carry it.

EXERCISE- there are three typesofexercise you should incorporate in your routine you can alternate getting them in 30 minutes a day. Cardiovascular this includes walking, running, swimming, bike riding, skating and aerobic classes. Muscle Stregnthening which includes weight training isometrics, and body building. And finally stretching,. This includes yoga, Pilates, ballet exercises, and general stretching. For people who have trouble with body movement I recommend T-Tapp a form of exercise which encompasses all of the above.

SLEEP/REST-we Americans also fail to get enough rest. The average adult needs ten hours of rest a day. This includes eight hours of sleep and two hours of rest. Please note I said needs not gets. Many people tend to think sleep is a waste of time. But, in fact our bodies are working hard on the cellular level as we are in sleep mode. While awake our bodies, do not do the self-maintaining it needs to keep the body running at peak effiency. It is too busy in wake mode keeping us conscious, thinking processing information etc.  When we sleep the body, finishes processing our food and deliver needed nutrients to the cell. Disposes of red and white blood cells which are not needed and produce new ones. Creates new hormones for the body to use. Gets rid of old skin and hair cells. Grows new skin and bone as needed. It fights off illness to prevent us from gettingsick, cleanses organs like the gall bladder, kidneys, and liver. Along with a whole host of other things which would take up pages which OI do not have. Let me just say sleep is important. There is a blog piece I wrote earlier this year on how teens are greatly influenced by their parents sleep habits. I note this because I want to reinforce the fact-children live what they see modeled. If you want your children to have good sleeping habits do what you want them to do!Rest-take time to just relax and be quiet sometime during the day and insist your children do too. I suggest a quiet half hour after everyone gets home. No video games or electronics. Just activities like reading coloring, looking at magazines napping, daydreaming etc.

MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS-this is an easy one. I am just going to say it. Go! Doctor, dentist, eye doctor, ENT, etc

Self-care is one of the things children catch from observing their parents. We rarely talk about taking care of ourselves or not. We just do or don't. For the sake of your kids do. Children deserve to have healthy, happy parents.

Believe in Parenting

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Medical Child Abuse: What Parents Need to Know



A New York Times opinion piece in the July 11th paper talks about the rise of  cases in the accusations of Medical Child Abuse. Maxine Eichner the author is the mother of a medically fragile child. As a parent and child advocate this causes me great concern. As a child I was medically fragile. Knowing what my mother went through rushing me to the hospital again and again from the seizures I was constantly having after beating new born at seven months and weighing in at 2 pounds 5 ounces in 1965. It breaks my heart to think of her being forced to hand me over to the state for bringing me to the hospital too often. Many parents who have medically fragile children, who have been missed or sometimes even correctly diagnosed are suffering this indignity.

Often this issue is with parents who are seeing a specialist who has diagnosed a child. Then for some reason the child sees another doctor who disagrees with the diagnosis. The second doctor can then notify authorities regarding medical neglect. Although, parents have an actual diagnosis, and the name of their specialist, authorities still take children into custody. The thing which really makes my blood boil is when so called Judges refuse to hear all the medical history. This leaves a he said, she said Area for doubt because they are without all of the information. These are children's lives we are talking about. Allowing a medically ill child to be removed from both medicine which treats them and while at the same time keeping them from their parents is the cruelest and most evil of ways to treat children.

There is a quote from the article:

"The task force identified these warning signs of medical child abuse: a “highly attentive parent” who is “unusually reluctant to leave his/her child’s side”; a parent who “demands second and third opinions”; a parent who “is not relieved or reassured when presented with negative test results and resists having the child discharged from the hospital”; and a parent who has “unusually detailed medical knowledge.” These warning signs accurately describe many, if not most, loving parents of medically fragile children."

Ms. Eichner is correct. A parent whose child has receive a diagnosis for a medically fragile child is going to find out everything they can and talk about it with the doctors. THIS IS BOTH DAMAGING AND DETRIMENTAL! 

So, what is a parent to do? Here are my suggestions:

Doctors
Choose your Doctors carefully
Starting with your pediatrician. 
Stay with your doctors long term
Make appointments with Doctors over the phone


Records
If you notice something you think is abnormal, take note write down what you see date and time
Keep records together 
Organize. Them by doctors name
Put most recent records in front
Carry your records to each appointment 
Allow copies to be made but keep originals or carry copies with you to give to necessary medical personnel 

Support People
Ask Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Teachers, School Nurse, Coaches, and others to look out for. And note anything they see
If your child is ill and diagnosed with a particular syndrome join a support group
Also go see an attorney who specializes in medical issues. If the worst happens you want someone who already knows you and is familiar with your case. As they used to say an ounce of prevention is worth more than the cure!

I really appreciate Saint Jude's slogan:

Thank God for the healthy children in your life, and give to the ones who are not.

We who have healthy children in our lives need to offer our care and support to  












Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Using Time Out to Teach Self-calming Techniques

Time out has been used ineffectively for decades.It was designed to give children a chance to calm down and relax. It was never meant to be a disciplinary tool. When I teach time out to parents I especially talk about time out being something adults model, taking time to separate yourself  to do an activity wehre you can unwind. I suggest all people can get overwhelmed. Adults can verbalize to their children,  "I need a time out". Then go to their favorite chair or their favorite spot. Sit down and do an activity which calms them. I suggest reading a book or magazine, listdning to quiet music, knitting,taking a 15 minute power nap or any activity which is relaxing to them.

Some years ago I shared this with a class in the Fall. The following Spring when I did another session a Mom who hand been modeling this shared the following story.

The family had decided to get together for the holidays. For the first time in years both sets of Grandparents were coming to stay from Christmas through New Year's. The Mom's eight year old daughter was very excited. She was pretty antsy so they decided to make cookies. They got all the ingredients ready and were about to start when the daughter who was bouncing on her toes suddenly stopped; looked at her Mom and said, "Mommy can we make the cookies in a few minute?. I think I need a time out." Shocked Mom nodded. She waited a minute or two and went to find her. She found her curled up in the window seat in their family room, looking at one of her books. She didn't say anything just went back to the kitchen. When her daughter came back about 15 minutes later. She said, "Ok, I'm ready. I'm so excited about Big Daddy and G'Mama, and Poppy, and Granny coming I was getting too excited."

Mom was so proud of her daughter not only had she recognized her feelings. She was able to use what she observed her Mom had modeled to self calm and move on with her day.
This was a day she loved being a parent.

Time outs can be a great way to give your children a tool to avoid needing discipline. Self calming is something we all need to do at one time or another. Model it!

Believe in Parenting

Monday, July 13, 2015

Are you a Maesstro of Parenting?

Maestro is Italian for master. Doing things well means you begin, practice, improve, perform, and finally figure out how to shine among those who are your equals. Allowing all of the masters to shine. This applies to all of the things we do in life. being a master is all about having learned how to not just play your instrument but, to be able to play your instrument in a symphony. This means you fully understand not just playing, but harmonizing, adjusting both pitch and volume to not only play your part but, to be a melodious portion of the whole. Parenting is similar in that adults must master all of their relationships (self, others, and community) in building all of the elements it takes to create inspiring, motivating, and empowering connections with their children.

Mastering Relationship with Self

Take care of yourself: Body, Soul, and Spirit.

Be authentic

Stay true to your values, dreams and goals.

Mastering your Relationships with Others

Accountability

Integrity

Service

Mastering Relationships in your Community

Linking your dreams and goals with others

Using you talents to bring your unique gifts to those who need them

Balancing your immediate families wants, needs, and desires with your Community Service

Over the next few weeks I will blog about  these concepts in becoming a Master Parent. Keep in mind parenting is not a separate part of your life. It is in fact an outflow of your entire being into the life of another. This outflow empowers them in mastering the above concepts in their own lives.

Believe in Parenting




Saturday, July 11, 2015

The Friendly Enemy

Today after  Temple service at Beth Hallel, I took a refresher course in child abuse and neglect. This is a free international program teaching children, teens, and adults about sexual exploitation, sexual abuse and trafficking. Creator of this program Lorraine Face credits the Lord Yeshua with helping her to be able to create this program. She's dyslexic and learning disabled. However, with great passion and knowledge she speaks more eloquently about this issue than just about anybody I've ever heard. She calls people who sexually abused children the friendly enemy. Please note that I did not say men. Many children are sexually abused by older kids, teens, and adults both male and female.

She specializes in bringing this training to teachers, children, and parents of Christian organizations. I wholly recommend this program to any Christian organization looking for training and understanding  of child sexual abuse.

The flyer she gave out today, asked a question why this still happening? The the answer "The convenienceans and automatiom of modern life underscores our progress civilized beings. Yet,  every year 300,000 children are in danger of being forced into the sex trade industry. why does still happening is a complex and elusive question. the solution is simply, education. empowering potential victims with information and resources will make a difference."

I also believe when parents know what to look for they become more empowered to recognize the friendly enemy, before their children experience trauma. Lorraine's website has free downloadable information on the topic. You can also donate there to support the organizations ittomorrow ability to deliver this training. The web designaddress is www.thefriendly enemy. com. the information is in several different languages,they are also looking for volunteers to translate it into multiple languages if you can help contact Lorraine at the website.

Empower yourselves and your children with the information you need to keep them safe.

Believe in Parenting

Time Kids Need Quality and Quantity

Over the last several decades there has been an argument over quality and quantity of time spent with children. I believe this first came up with experts trying to reassure parents that even if they didn't have a lot of time to spend with their kids, the kind of time they spent with their kids made more of a difference. However, the truth is children need both. According to a Pew Research study done in 2013 the average child spends less than thirty one hours a week with parents. This averages out to about four hours a day. This includes getting them up, getting them dressed, ready for school, fed, home from school, homework time, ready for bed, and bedtime story. This doesn't leave much time for interaction and connection. I believe every child needs at least 15 to 20 minutes a day, of a parent  uninterrupted, undivided attention. Children feel important when the most important people in their lives, take time to listen to them, respond to their thoughts and ideas, tender loving encouragement, and  support. This is a meeting quality time. In other words time taken to connect heart to heart.

The other aspect of this argument is it children also need lots of time with their parents. There are several ways to do this. 1 is a date day, where parent and child plan an entire weekend day, or summer vacation day, to do something just the two of tthem.The day where cell phones are off, other electronic equipment was left at home, in parent and child are doing things that just focus on one another. Building relationships takes time. Just hanging out and being together, helps form bonds and memories which make the child and the parent feel connected. Ultimately this is what quality and quantity time it's for, building strong heart to heart connections. Life and living has become very busy efeffectivenessarenting takes a lot of love, quantity and quality time, connection of heart mind and soul . Parents must choose to spend their time wisely with their kids. find ways to build both quality and quantity time into your schedule. You only have 18 to 20 years with your children, before they leave home, and begin to build lives of their own. Make them count.

Believe in Parenting

Monday, July 6, 2015

What's Missing in Parenting Today

Over the years as I have taught literally thousands of parents, I have found one thing missing in most parent child relationships. It is the one thing everyone needs and the one thing most live their entire lifetime without. That thing is a relationship based on unconditional love.

Many mistake this as love without parameters. Nothing could be further from the truth. Unconditional love says no matter what I am going to love you, our relationship is most important. But, because I love you, here are the boundaries. We in the Western world mistake love as being simply an emotion. However, love is also choosing the best and expecting the best from those we love. Children need not only the emotional aspects of love, but parents who not only choose the best they can give, but expect children to also give their best. This is the basis of every good relationship.

This kind of relationship between parents and children demands adults teach children to separate emotions from expectations. Children need to understand parents can and will require certain rules, boundaries, and expectations, however they are not directly bound to being loved. When I teach about the four steps of discipline I always stress the last step. These steps are 1) Discuss the broken rule, what children can do to avoid breaking it next time. 2) Discuss the before rule breaking consequences. 3) Apply the consequences. 4) Do something to reestablishes the relationship. This last step is the real difference between true discipline based in unconditional love and average disciplinary methods. This method places the relationship between parent and child first.

Many parents make the mistake of thinking making children feel bad will help them learn to make better chouces next time. But, it actually hindrrs children from making good choices. Children make good choices when they are taught what good choices are and how to recognize them. Then they need the confidence and self assurance to choose to do the right thing. Children who are made to feel badly about making mistakes or doing wrong are hindered in both areas. When we feel badly we often can not clearly learn the lessons mistakes teach. Also, feelung bad undermines both confidence and self assurance.

Ultimately children need to trust the love of their parents to develop the confidence and assurance to make good decisions. It is the relationship which is the foundation of discipline. Discipline without love is tyranny. Discipline within the bounds of conditional love is undermining the very thing parents are trying to build. Here are two tips to building your relationship.

Be in the moment-When you and your child are together be there in mind, body, and spirit. Give them your undivided attention. Listen to not only what they say take the time to connect with them on an emotional level.

Remember your children are people too.- Sometimes we adults forget what it was like to be a child. Learning new things all the time. Wanting to grow up and be like the superhero or supermodel. Wanting to be liked by peers and adults, and being afraid to disappoint our parents and get in trouble. People say to me kids are not like they were when we were kids. I say kids have not changed parents and parenting has.  We spend less time with our families. The average child in the U.S. spend less than 34 hours a week with their parents (19, Mom, 12 Dad, Pew Research, 2013) Most of that time is not spent in relationship building, but transport, instruction, and daily chores. Children need connections like any other person. I believe a parent who keeps in mind  the priority needs to be wholly on buildingrelationships; will not miss the target. Instead they will hit the bullseye with dead on accuracy!

Believe in Parenting