If you would like new posts to come directly to your email. Please enter your email here.

Friday, August 11, 2017

5 Things New Parents Can do to Increase Infant Attachment!

Image result for baby on camping trip

Attachment is the process through which infants bond with their caregivers. This usually means Mom, Dad, and if there is another caregiver in the picture nanny or early education professional. Building this relationship is about establishing trust, safety, a sense of comfort and connection.  Men and women bond differently to their babies but both kinds of bonding are valid and necessary. Men bond through face to face interaction. Holding the baby and gazing into their faces. d can do this for hours. Studies also show men never pick up their infant the same way twice, this adds a variety in the interaction and give infants a sense of adventure and knowing the world can be unpredictable. While, moms also gaze into baby's face, they also tend to talk to baby and cuddle more. Holding the infant close to the body and nurturing them. The important thing is a child is bonding with both parents. There are five things parents can do to purposely bond with their child.

  1. Hold them as much as possible during the first year.
  2. Meet the need they are crying about quickly.
  3. Talk, read, and interact with them consistently.
  4. Eliminate all screen-time before age 3.
  5. Spend time together as a family.
Hold them as much as possible the first year. There is an old piece of advice which says if you hold a child too much they will expect it, so it is best not to hold them too much. However, the research supports holding infants is the best way to develop an emotional, physical, and life long bond. Touch is very important to infants. The discovery was made as researchers wanted to know why some orphanages has an infant mortality rate of 30+% and also a failure to thrive rate as well. The answer was not enough touch. I am not saying you should never put your child down. You have a life to live and they need sometime to just be. But, do not hinder yourself from holding them you will not spoil them by holding them too much. In fact the opposite is true. Holding your child and helping them develop a secure attachment is what gives them the security and confidence to explore the world when they are developmentally ready to do so.

Meet their needs as quickly as possible

Children are new to the world and we teach them about the world by how we treat them and what we do for them. A child whose needs are met quickly develop a sense of trust and reliability on their parents and the world. Are you always going to be able to meet their needs now!  No, and I do not expect you to and you should not expect that of yourself . However, meeting the need as soon as humanly possible is a key component of developing a secure bond between you and your child. Keep in mind sometimes meeting the need is tolet them cry. If you want your baby to be able to put themselves to sleep; an important part of that process is to allow them to cry themselves into an exhausted sleep. Is that easy. NO! Is it necessary? It depends do you want to rock them to sleep forever?

Talk, read, and interact with them consistently

Human beings are social creatures and need interaction with others. You need to be this connection for your infant. So, talk to them you can just speak. Pretend they can understand everything you say and just talk. The more you talk the them the sooner they will begin to understand and the sooner they will talk back to you. I have one friend who is a complete chatter box. Her son was speaking in complete sentences by age 3. Hold them and read stories. There is so much connection in holding a book and your young child and reading and holding the book. Interact,move them around and build arm and leg strength by letting them hold onto your finger and pull, or by gently bending their legs and letting them brace their feet on your hands and push on your hands. Play peek-a-boo, blow raspberries on their necks and tummies, take something bright and colorful and let them follow it with their eyes as you wave it in the air. Just love them and play with them. It is this activity which build love, connection, trust, and attachment.

Eliminate all screen time before age 3

The research is ever growing that brain development and screen time are mutually exclusive. Young children need and crave the complexity of human interaction. Screen time numbs their brain activity and eliminate the brains ability to make complex neuroconnections needed in later life. I am no expert on this but a site I follow has a blog by someone who has the pulse on this issue; I suggest you read it! The long and the short of it for this post is that screen time can literally cause brain damage in young children!

Spend time together as a family.

Bonding among the rest of the family and the baby is most cemented by spending time together as a family. As much as possible include the infant in the activities the family enjoyed be for the birth. If the family enjoyed camping before then camping after may have to include a trailer or RBV to ensure the baby has all of their needs met. You may have to think outside of the box in order to accomplish this however, family life should not stop because there is now a baby. Instead find a way to incorporate the baby's needs and continue on with living. It is a mistake to make the family's life surround the baby.

These five points will help you to build bonds with your infant and strengthen bonds with each member of the family. I hope you enjoy this time!

Believe in Parenting

For more information check out ptanda.org

Sunday, August 6, 2017

The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do!

Recently, I was out with a girlfriend who is gay.  We were at a local resturant when she said to me. You know I am not interested in men but I think that Dad over there is the sexiest thing I have seen in a long time.  When I turned to look there was a Dad in a booth making funny faces at his three kids making them giggle and then laughing back at the faces made at him. I got a big smile on my face and turned back and agreed.  This is not the first time I had such a conversation with a girlfriend and I stil’ think as a single woman being a great Father is the sexiest thing a man can ever do.

My Dad was one of the best men I ever known and I miss him every day.  The saddest thing I ever heard him say was that his Dad divorced his mother and him when he was 12. This pain caused him to focus on giving to us what he did not have. My Dad was always there in my world whether it was to console me when I broke up with a guy I loved. Or to celebrate the little things like making second chair in Band. I remember when i was five and in the hospital having eye surgery.  I was the only child in the ward that week and he brought me a giant stuffed zebra to keep me company. I kept Zebbie until I was 28.

As I have been studying the impact Dad’s have on children I am beginning to understand that a child’s safety, security, self-concept, and whole world is wrapped up in the love, support and caring they receive from their fathers. So men if you are out there here are three suggestions read Gary Smalley’s book The Blessing: Giving the Gift of Unconditional Love. Spend lots of time with your kids from the day they are born until they leave for college. Finally, give love, honor, and respect to your kids Mom whether you are married or not. The greatest gift you can give to your kids is to be at peace with their Mom. But, the sexiest thing you can ever do is to be a great Dad.

Believe in Parenting

Be a Wife not just a Mother

Image result

It is so easy while pregnant to focus on the coming baby. However, you are not bringing this child into the world on your own. You have a husband who is your partner in life. He should come first! While your are pregnant and bring your sweet baby home you will be tired and overwhelmed. The antidote for this problem is to keep your husband first in your mind. One of the things men have as a built in mechanism is the desire to be the keeper and the guardian of his people; meaning you and the baby. Encourage him to bond with your child This happens when men hold their babies and gaze into their faces, encourage him to hold the baby while you take pics for social media pr for the baby announcements. Several years ago I wrote a blog post called the Sexiest Thing a Man Can Do, the answer was be a good Dad. Hear is a link to it. Read it and get him to read it and then when ever he does something to love on  you or your child make it worth his while by making his favorite dinner, plan an outting for him and his buddies, or just lay one on him which will keep him revved up for a little while.

Remember, your marriage relationship is the foundation of your family. Make connecting with him your priority. If you do this I guarantee he will more than return the favor. He wants to be your hero, make sure he know that is the truth and you will keep him coming back to you over and over. Keep in mind as well men are programmed to think about sex   times a minute. He exercises more control over his libido just by letting you get dressed every morning. So, as soon as the doctor clears you to go back to marital relations make that a priority. While you will likely not be as active at before the baby, let him know you want thim in your life and in the bedroom.

I know you feel like the baby needs you more than he does; because he is an adult. But, the baby needs you two to stay close and connected because your relationship is their world. They will never get another one. Do not allow having this child to become the thing that fractures their world because you neglected it, caring for them.

Friday, August 4, 2017

WARNING! Teen Vogue's Scandalous Article


As I lay in bed and listened to the Executive Director of  Enough is Enough from the site enough.org talk about the article in the online version of Teen Vogue and it's article called  "Amal Sex 101 How to do it Right". I about swallowed my tongue. When I heard the editor of Teen Vogue sent back a  lewd picture in response to a request to remove it from the web I went to the website and posted a direct link as a warning to parents. Then thought better of it deleted my reactionary posts and knew it was time to kwrite about it instead! 

I choose not to read the article which gives a graphics, detailed explanations on how to  participate "safely" and extols the pleasures of this act; to girls although the articles does not refer to them as girls rather some new politically correct version of female.  But, if  you feel the need here is the link. I fully and with all the strength in my body encourage you to go to enough.org and sign the position however the real power you have is to speak with your dollars. Vogue is owned by the Conde Nast Publications Conglomeration which publishes just about all of the magazines you currently have a subscription to here is a list.

Fashion and lifestyle[edit]









Defunct publications[edit]

I know you can hear it coming the real way to get the message across is to cancel your subscriptions and make it clear why! This is the great equalizer parents have to make it loud and clear! Over the two years I have been writing this blog I have never written a more important post. This article is dangerous to your teens. It not only gives them the mechanics of how to engage one of the most dangerous  forms of sexuality it lets them know how good it feels. This will of course encourage them to try it. Which is the whole point of the article. Parents need to cry out not only for their teen girls, but for the teen boys as well. This article I am sure will up the curiosity and let me try it factor in teens who are already seeking to feel like adults and try out what they think is adult -like behaviours. Kids are already engaging in sexual activity at the age of ten in today's culture. This article only encourages them to be more active in more destructive ways.

Cancel your subscriptions because you care about your kids, your nieces and nephews, the cute little girl cheerleaders you see at peewee football games. Or just because you care about the future. I encourage you to sign the petition, cancel your subscriptions, and talk to your teen about this to see if they have seen it. It has been out since July 17th; so, likely they have at least heard about it! This is not going away, though we may succeed in getting Teen Vogue to remove the article the damage is already done and your teens are dealing with it. So, please take action and... 

Believe in Parenting

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Back to School Bash: It's A Celebration of Summer

The end of Summer is always bittersweet. For those of us who are teachers, for kids, for parents it is the end of the carefree days of no homework, not getting up early, and no long days spent in the pool or watching movies. So, it is a great way to kick off the end of Summer by throwing a great back to school party.


I suggest you make them. Have a family sit down and create an assembly line and make some fun cards using cardstock and fun markers, cut outs and glitter markers. Then make sure you save one for your family scrapbook.


This party is a time to celebrate all the great times you had during the summer. Use pictures collected items and other things to decorate that made this particular Summer great and one you want to remember.


Every region in America has it's traditional summer foods. Whether it is  a low country crawfish boil, or a northeastern clambake, a west coast tuna roll, a midwest well grilled steak or the universal hot dogs, hamburgers chicken and ribs of the local barbeque scene in your city. Let your food reflect the Summer of your region. Celebrate the Summer in your area and serve the quintessential food of your Summer living.


I suggest you do a backyard outdoor game contests, set up some games folks can play as they go around the yard. Lawn darts, tossing a bean bag into a hula hoop, jump rope, keep the ball in the air or volleyball, and a water balloon toss. Reward the person with the winning score from all the games a gift card to a great school supply place.


Amazon sells a great cd with the 25 greatest Summer songs. This would be a fun one to play.


Here is where I suggest you make a nod toward the coming season of Autumn by serving Apple drinks. 

Kids- Apple Sparkler 


1 bag of pink lady apples juiced and strained
1 bottle of gingerale
1 quart water
2 tbsp agave (optional depending on sweetness of the apples)
Mix ingredients in a pitcher and pour over ice and serve

Adults-Apple Bomb(Pitcher)

2 Hard ciders
2 jiggers of Apple brandy
1 quart apple cider
4 dashes apple bitters
2 tbsp agave

duo glasses with cider and run in sinnamon sugar

Stir well pour over ice serve

Apple Bitters

Place the apple peels, lemon zest, cinnamon, allspice, coriander, cassia, chinchona bark and cloves in a 1-quart Mason jar or other glass container with a lid. Add the bourbon, making sure all the ingredients are covered. (Add more bourbon if needed.)

Party take home gift

Small basket of school supplies I love the Dollar Store for this. Buy cute baskets and a vareity of school supplies get fun stuff for kids like sticky notes, double sided tape, and washable glitter markers. Just make it fun and useful for back to school.

The goal of this party is to have fun and celebrate the Summer and have one last group of great photos for your Summer Scrapbook. Ir ia lao  rimw ro juar ewlz ns hcw dun qirh youe friends and family.

Believe in Parenting