Are you a Maesstro of Parenting?

Maestro is Italian for master. Doing things well means you begin, practice, improve, perform, and finally figure out how to shine among those who are your equals. Allowing all of the masters to shine. This applies to all of the things we do in life. being a master is all about having learned how to not just play your instrument but, to be able to play your instrument in a symphony. This means you fully understand not just playing, but harmonizing, adjusting both pitch and volume to not only play your part but, to be a melodious portion of the whole. Parenting is similar in that adults must master all of their relationships (self, others, and community) in building all of the elements it takes to create inspiring, motivating, and empowering connections with their children.

Mastering Relationship with Self

Take care of yourself: Body, Soul, and Spirit.

Be authentic

Stay true to your values, dreams and goals.

Mastering your Relationships with Others

Accountability

Integrity

Service

Mastering Relationships in your Community

Linking your dreams and goals with others

Using you talents to bring your unique gifts to those who need them

Balancing your immediate families wants, needs, and desires with your Community Service

Over the next few weeks I will blog about  these concepts in becoming a Master Parent. Keep in mind parenting is not a separate part of your life. It is in fact an outflow of your entire being into the life of another. This outflow empowers them in mastering the above concepts in their own lives.

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The Friendly Enemy

Today after  Temple service at Beth Hallel, I took a refresher course in child abuse and neglect. This is a free international program teaching children, teens, and adults about sexual exploitation, sexual abuse and trafficking. Creator of this program Lorraine Face credits the Lord Yeshua with helping her to be able to create this program. She's dyslexic and learning disabled. However, with great passion and knowledge she speaks more eloquently about this issue than just about anybody I've ever heard. She calls people who sexually abused children the friendly enemy. Please note that I did not say men. Many children are sexually abused by older kids, teens, and adults both male and female.

She specializes in bringing this training to teachers, children, and parents of Christian organizations. I wholly recommend this program to any Christian organization looking for training and understanding  of child sexual abuse.

The flyer she gave out today, asked a question why this still happening? The the answer "The convenienceans and automatiom of modern life underscores our progress civilized beings. Yet,  every year 300,000 children are in danger of being forced into the sex trade industry. why does still happening is a complex and elusive question. the solution is simply, education. empowering potential victims with information and resources will make a difference."

I also believe when parents know what to look for they become more empowered to recognize the friendly enemy, before their children experience trauma. Lorraine's website has free downloadable information on the topic. You can also donate there to support the organizations ittomorrow ability to deliver this training. The web designaddress is www.thefriendly enemy. com. the information is in several different languages,they are also looking for volunteers to translate it into multiple languages if you can help contact Lorraine at the website.

Empower yourselves and your children with the information you need to keep them safe.

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Time Kids Need Quality and Quantity

Over the last several decades there has been an argument over quality and quantity of time spent with children. I believe this first came up with experts trying to reassure parents that even if they didn't have a lot of time to spend with their kids, the kind of time they spent with their kids made more of a difference. However, the truth is children need both. According to a Pew Research study done in 2013 the average child spends less than thirty one hours a week with parents. This averages out to about four hours a day. This includes getting them up, getting them dressed, ready for school, fed, home from school, homework time, ready for bed, and bedtime story. This doesn't leave much time for interaction and connection. I believe every child needs at least 15 to 20 minutes a day, of a parent  uninterrupted, undivided attention. Children feel important when the most important people in their lives, take time to listen to them, respond to their thoughts and ideas, tender loving encouragement, and  support. This is a meeting quality time. In other words time taken to connect heart to heart.

The other aspect of this argument is it children also need lots of time with their parents. There are several ways to do this. 1 is a date day, where parent and child plan an entire weekend day, or summer vacation day, to do something just the two of tthem.The day where cell phones are off, other electronic equipment was left at home, in parent and child are doing things that just focus on one another. Building relationships takes time. Just hanging out and being together, helps form bonds and memories which make the child and the parent feel connected. Ultimately this is what quality and quantity time it's for, building strong heart to heart connections. Life and living has become very busy efeffectivenessarenting takes a lot of love, quantity and quality time, connection of heart mind and soul . Parents must choose to spend their time wisely with their kids. find ways to build both quality and quantity time into your schedule. You only have 18 to 20 years with your children, before they leave home, and begin to build lives of their own. Make them count.

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What's Missing in Parenting Today

Over the years as I have taught literally thousands of parents, I have found one thing missing in most parent child relationships. It is the one thing everyone needs and the one thing most live their entire lifetime without. That thing is a relationship based on unconditional love.

Many mistake this as love without parameters. Nothing could be further from the truth. Unconditional love says no matter what I am going to love you, our relationship is most important. But, because I love you, here are the boundaries. We in the Western world mistake love as being simply an emotion. However, love is also choosing the best and expecting the best from those we love. Children need not only the emotional aspects of love, but parents who not only choose the best they can give, but expect children to also give their best. This is the basis of every good relationship.

This kind of relationship between parents and children demands adults teach children to separate emotions from expectations. Children need to understand parents can and will require certain rules, boundaries, and expectations, however they are not directly bound to being loved. When I teach about the four steps of discipline I always stress the last step. These steps are 1) Discuss the broken rule, what children can do to avoid breaking it next time. 2) Discuss the before rule breaking consequences. 3) Apply the consequences. 4) Do something to reestablishes the relationship. This last step is the real difference between true discipline based in unconditional love and average disciplinary methods. This method places the relationship between parent and child first.

Many parents make the mistake of thinking making children feel bad will help them learn to make better chouces next time. But, it actually hindrrs children from making good choices. Children make good choices when they are taught what good choices are and how to recognize them. Then they need the confidence and self assurance to choose to do the right thing. Children who are made to feel badly about making mistakes or doing wrong are hindered in both areas. When we feel badly we often can not clearly learn the lessons mistakes teach. Also, feelung bad undermines both confidence and self assurance.

Ultimately children need to trust the love of their parents to develop the confidence and assurance to make good decisions. It is the relationship which is the foundation of discipline. Discipline without love is tyranny. Discipline within the bounds of conditional love is undermining the very thing parents are trying to build. Here are two tips to building your relationship.

Be in the moment-When you and your child are together be there in mind, body, and spirit. Give them your undivided attention. Listen to not only what they say take the time to connect with them on an emotional level.

Remember your children are people too.- Sometimes we adults forget what it was like to be a child. Learning new things all the time. Wanting to grow up and be like the superhero or supermodel. Wanting to be liked by peers and adults, and being afraid to disappoint our parents and get in trouble. People say to me kids are not like they were when we were kids. I say kids have not changed parents and parenting has.  We spend less time with our families. The average child in the U.S. spend less than 34 hours a week with their parents (19, Mom, 12 Dad, Pew Research, 2013) Most of that time is not spent in relationship building, but transport, instruction, and daily chores. Children need connections like any other person. I believe a parent who keeps in mind  the priority needs to be wholly on buildingrelationships; will not miss the target. Instead they will hit the bullseye with dead on accuracy!

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Parenting and Transracial-Blackness?

I have to chime in on this trans trend we have going on in the Western world. This was one of my concerns when I first heard about relativism. Where we can each choose our own truth, facts do not matter, rather how we feel about a certain subject is more important. Rachel Dolezal in point of fact is a Caucasian female. She has chosen to live her life as a black female. 20 years ago the headline would have been, White women pretending to be Black, does she have a right to high jack the Black Experience? Today the headline, is it a possibility that white people feel black inside? REALLY?

We have slipped so far from Dr King character dream. We are year by year moving away not just our character being celebrated, but moving closer to where character is relative. This case is a prime example. As parents look at this story, what should they tell their children?

Honey, it is okay she lied about being black, got a scholarship to an all black college. But, sued another one for denying her a scholarship because she was white. It is okay because she identifies herself as a transracial black person. So, even though she in fact has Caucasian skin on the inside she feels black.

I am not that confused! Parents should take a page from Dr. King and instead, tell their children something more like this.

Honey, we all get confused sometimes. However, we need to keep three things in mind.

1. It is important to be honest to yourself above all. We all have things we wish were true about us.The key to living a happy life is finding those wonderful qualities we possess then focusing and growing those things.
2. Authenticity is about learning to accept ourselves just as we are. Then sharing that person with the world. Our skin, eye, or hair color are only the surface  of who we are. If we live our lives based on those surface areas we rob ourselves of authenticity. This woman could have achieved all she did without trying to become something she was not. She chose the surface.
3. Your character is your most valuable asset. Character is all about living the values you have been taught. Honesty, integrity, honor, justice, patience are all aspects of character. People see your surface and will often prejudge what they see. However, if you live your life based on the principle of values  whether people like you or not they will respect you. Ms. Dolezar chose a different path. Which is why we are having this discussion. 
4. 
   

Whatever, happens in this situation, I want you to s
tay focused on these three things.

In other words parents can chose to give their children tools to better their lives and teach them to live honest, authentic, and character driven lives.

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Inspiring, Motivating, and Empowering

Often over the course of my career I have said, parenting is the toughest job you will ever love and hate. The purpose of parenting is to help a child sent here by the Creator to find, fulfil, and thrive in their purpose. This begins by teaching them how to be a remarkable person. It continues with teaching them how to love the creator, how to be guided and directed by Him, and ultimately to walk in the purpose He sent them here to do.

Interstingly enough a large part of parenting is doing this yourself. Dr Phil McGraw makes a great statement, "You cannot leave where you haven't been." emission Pete ene is to help parents to inspire, motivate and empower their children to become remarkable adults. I often get asked how do you do that?

My answer is you inspire by living your own dream and talking about the things you're doing to accomplish them.

You motivate by helping your children find out what they're good at, what they love to do, and helping them  to find ways to do it. Then encouraging them on every step of the way.

Empowerment comes as we teach children how to make decisions, based on who God made them to be, teaching them to follow in His statues, and encouraging them to follow where the Holy Spirit leads.

God expect Christian parents to raise a Holy generation. Holy means loving Him, placing His standards and His statutes above all else, while loving our neighbors as ourselves.  it is our job to live this out in front of our children. It is also our job to talk about these things (as we drive down the road, when when we are chilling at home, when relaxing  with barbecue and lemonade with our friends, on playdates, placign God's Word on iPhones, iPads, and CD players.)

Children live the life they see their parents live. Inspiring, motivating, and empowering your children, in the end is all about inspiring  motivating, and empowering yourself. you can do this!

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Dangerous Games!

Relenant Children's Ministry introduced me to the demon calling game Charlie, Charlie. Do you remember Ouji boards, visiting mediums, and conjuring demons? Well, here comes Charlie. This game is a 21st Century version of the ouji board. This is a spiritually dangerous game.

For those of you who do not believe in the Supernatural may not recognize games which involke demons are harmful. Those of us who have seen the resulting devastating effects can only shake our heads.

These games seem harmless, but many serial killers report playing these kinds of games. These gamed invite evil into the lives of children.

Whether you believe in evil or not, it is sure that children who chose to engage in drinking, drugs, promiscuity, and can get involved in other nefarious activities also play games like these. The question is,which comes first?

Parents need to talk to, oversee, and help tweens and teens to understand that these kinds of games can lead to other troubles and many other issues.

Communication and supervision become necessary for all children this age. Charlie, Charlie invites, bad influences on children ptotect them and teach them to protect themselves.

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