In every area of life when we want to get better we hire a coach. We have coaches for sports, business, finances,etc. I recently, took an online coaching session on blog writing. I have been blogging for about a year and wanted to work with an expert to improve my work. So, I ask when it comes to the most difficult job of all, do we strive to go it alone? Mostly it is the history of the stigma which says, if you need help you must be a bad parent. This is very sad because the opposite is true! First of all let me say using the words good or bad in parenting is detrimental. A person is either an effective or ineffective parent. And the truth is no one is 100% effective. Which is why most parents need a coach.
What can a parent coach do for you? I can share with you what I do with my clients.
Help you to look at your own life first.
Parenting at its heart is a relationship between each child and each parent. Therefore, parenting always starts with the adult. Each person needs to have a firm grasp on their values, beliefs, thoughts, words and actions. These need to be aligned and lived out daily I call this Authenticity. (Here is a link for more information.) Authenticity in a parents life is the foundation of effective parenting. A coach through a series of exercises can help adults get I into authentic living.
Help you grasp the need for balance in co-parenting.
Co- parenting has come over the last few years to mean adopts who live separately parenting children. However, all parents co-parent. Recognizing your child has two hopefully authentic adults building effective relationships with them is important. The most loving and respectful things a parent can do is respect the relationship the child has with their other parent. Insisting your child speak with, to, and about both parents with respect, means you must live the example.
Helping you to establish a working understanding of child development.
Most adults are an knowledgable n their fields of choice. For most it is not understanding how children grow and things adults can do to support and expand that development. Parent Coaches are experts in this area. Any adult thinking what can or should I do now? The answer is see a coach. Adults are often baffled by what kids do. I can tell you there are reasons, but most times children do not know enough to explain. Honestly, there are times when even I get stumped. But, most of the time with some questioning I can help. Most importantly an adult who understands what stage of development their child is in and the characteristics of that stage can figure out how to better support and guide them.
Giving you cues to recognize when parenting shifts are needed.
Most adults do not realize that as children grow how we parent needs to shift. There are three forms of parenting styles. Autocratic where the parent is in charge and makes all of the decisions. Authoritarian where depending on the child's age (from the "no stage" on) parents offer choices and slowly allow children begin to make age appropriate decisions. The last is permissive where parents step back and allow children to figure it out on their own. (Age as child is maturing into adulthood and beginning to transition to college or career.) Actually, most people have one style which is easiest for them. However, these styles are really stages in patenting which need to be followed along a child's path of development. The thing is some children need more boundaries than others so these shifts greatly depend on the child.
These are the four basic areas where I support parents. These are the basics you can go as shallow or as deep as you wish. However, the reason you hire a coach, is to help you do what you do in a stronger and better way. So, I challenge you. Become a more effective parent. Hire a coach