Did you know in the 21st century the average age of the first sexual experience is between 10-12. In 2010, the #1 sexually transmitted disease for girls 10-14 was gonorrhea of the throat. I found this out when writing my course called Parenting and Mentoring Teens. It was during this time I discovered The story many tweens were participating in sex in the rear of school buses. Remembering my middle school years I was not really shocked; however, I am concerned. when I was in middle school HPV was nonexistent. Now, someone can develop a very difficult to detect cancer based on something they did in middle school.
So, let me say, I was not surprised when I heard a few short years later about a vaccine for Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) for girls of this age. Are you shocked? Dismayed? I am talking about these things because we live in a world where oral and anal sex are considered preferable because there is no risk of pregnancy. I talk about these things because many assume having they can push talk about sex until later. When children not only may know more about sex, than you think many may have participated in sexual activity as young as 10.
For those of you with children age 9-14 it is time to sit down and have a frank discussion about sexuality, relationships, Gardasil, and cancer. I am a big believer in abstinence. I do not buy into the lie people can not remain celibate. Sex is an urge not a need. Teach your children the difference. Please do not give them a mixed message. Either you expect them to care about themselves, their bodies, and the other people in their lives enough to abstain, or you do not. Just in case is permission, whether you like it or not. It is this which allows others to get into your child's head and make what is not acceptable the practice of everyday life. riding home on the school bus However, this is not the place to quote lay down the law. This is about building a safe place to talk about uncomfortable things. Make this conversation as low key and relaxed as possible. Practice talking about what you want to say with your spouse or significant other until you become comfortable enough with it you can be relaxed with your child.
This is the number one place you need to be real and authentic with your child. Be willing to share your mistakes. what you felt and how you either did or did not resolve the issues. Sex is not only part of life it is the act which creates life. Therefore, we need to talk about it in the context of what is real personal and emotional. Sexuality is the deepest form of communication between partners which exists on the planet. If there is not connection it turns what is supposed to be rich and fulfilling; into something ugly and sad. Teach your children what you know and how you learned it.
This is not giving them permission. It is giving them the information they need to protect themselves. Knowledge is power. Being open and honest with your children about this topic gives them to tools they need to protect themselves with so much more than a shot.
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