Parenting and relationships is the basis for the growth and development of both the adult and the child. The relationships we model are important. However, equally important are the growth and development we get from interacting with others. If our relationships make us better. All of our lives will get better including our parenting. I encourage all adults to develop accountability relationships. These relationships have specific and focused conversations surrounding deeply personal and emotional growth and development.Our relationships as adults affect our children follow our example. If we have happy, healthy, and well-balanced relationships so will they. If our relationships are frustrating, chaotic, and harsh their relationships will be the same. In this blog I want to focus on a type of relationship which is needed in our lives for growth and development as people and therefore as parents.
I encourage all adults to have at least two accountability relationships. One with their significant other and one with a same sex person outside of the romantic relationship. Accountability partners are people with whom we are completely and brutally honest with. It is within these relationships we get mentally, emotionally, and verbally intimate with someone. It is important for the growth of any romantic relationship for each partner to feel love and supported enough to be able to share this kind of vulnerability. If you feel you can not be in this type of relationship with your significant other, I would question how "in love" you really are. Love by its very definition is all about being vulnerable to the other. Secondly, there is an old saying "your husband can not be your best girlfriend". Having a same sex accountability partner who you can be vulnerable with is important. If you are gay then the opposite holds true. You should have an opposite sex accountability. partner.
Accountability is all about laying your hopes, dreams, fears, insecurities, goals and plans out for someone else to see and examine. Your accountability partner should be someone whose judgment you trust. Someone who will tell you you are being a chicken if you are, and also tell you you are being reckless. as well. Basically someone who will look you in the eye and tell you the truth. This person is also someone you can tell the truth to when needed. You can not be accountable to someone who is not willing to be accountable to you in this kind of relationship. A person you are accountable to but they are not to you is a mentor. Accountability relationships are for equals.
I love being in this kind of relationship. It is good to have a person in your life you can be completely honest with. It is nice to be loved and liked by someone who really knows you. This is why it is so important not to have accountability relationships with opposite sex persons if you are involved romantically with someone else. There is an intimacy that becomes very personal with your accountability partner. If you are married it is best to have that kind of relationship with your spouse. You can have a group of same sex friend who you are accountable to.
Many people do not have significant others. I like the idea of an accountability group of four same sex friends. More heads on a problem makeshift easier to solve. In addition, these friends are the ones you will eventually gravitate to spending time with on a regular basis. Which means you will tend to life out healthy relationships for your children. I also encourage you to develop a mentoring type of relationship with your children . I will write on that next blog. In the meantime think about developing and accountqability relationship yourself.
Believe in your Parenting!