Week Ten: People we Admire shape our Lives

Welcome to Week 10

This book helped change my perspective on life. These six people are ones I and many others admire. I love how Mr. Aikman took all six of their lives and told the story of the world in the 20th century. It is interesting to note they all had some very difficult times in life and over came it through grace, grit, and determination.  There is an old saying those who forget the past are destined to repeat it. The lives of these six people serve as a reminder that life has blessed and tragic times. 

This week I want you to reflect on the people you admire. Those both who are gone from the world and those who are still living. I want you to think about what you know about their lives. What about them leaves a lasting impression in your mind. Why do you admire them? What if any effect does admiring them have or has had on your life. As you go throughout the week talk to others about these folks and ask them their opinions. Give yourself time to reflect on what is said and how it has either changed or supported your views on these people. Once you have done this you are ready to journal about the final question. Here it is.

Pick three people two dead and one living who you would like to sit down with at a private dinner. List four questions you would ask them and then write down why.

The answer to this question will give you insight on how you see the world. How admiring others has shaped you life and how. Share the thoughts and feelings you feel during the week with your significant other and your children.

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Week 3 How to Talk to your Teens about Risky Behavior

Welcome to Week 3
.

Next week we will start to talk about teen development. However, this is an important aspect of talking with your teen about the dangers of experimentation in the teen years. You need to go in recognizing your the average teen believes nothing bad will happen to them or their friends. It is often shocking and scary when something does happen. Therefore, when you go to talk to them they will kind of blow you off. Talk about it anyway and the more concrete you are about the consequences of bad behavior the better.

The danger to teens is now more prevalent than any time before. In times past sec could lead to pregnancy. Now sex can lead to AIDS or HPV. Bullying used to end at the school day. Now, childen are cyperbullyied 24-hours a day.It used to be kids might try pot, but now they can become addicted to crack with one hit. Drinking underage is a serious problem in the US, and more kids die of drunk driving than ever before. This is just a small sampling of teen dangers. But there is an antidote. It is called good choices.

Here are three things you can do to encourage your teen to make good choices and avoid Most teen dangers.

1. Give them the facts without judgement or recrimination. As adults we often tell teen about the dangers they will face, in such a way to encourage them to try it. It is hard to keep your emotions out of the way when talking to your kids about drugs, sex, or drinking. The thing you want to do is not to offer an opinion until later. While talking to t hem about it keep it clear and factual. During your take they are likely to ask you about your feelings. If they do be honest. If you experimented with drugs as a teen tell them. Help them to see what it cost you in making that decision. 
2. They will ask you questions be honest. If they ask you an embarrassing one. Be authentic let hem see it is embarrassing for you. Being vulnerable with them will let them know you trust them enough to be transparent.
3. Ask them if they think either they or a friend might need help with overcoming an issue. This will allow them to open up about a friend with an issue. We all know that sometimes the friend is your child. However, they may actually have a friend with the problem. Ask them if they think their friend may need some support. Help them develop a plan. Ask if they want help in doing intervention. Encourage them to talk to their friend about seeking  help. Before talking about any one issue have a resource or two which have local services to give them to read. 

What you do as you approach the variety of issues you or your child may face. Remember  your goal is to influence your teen into making good decisions by giving the information they need to make them.

Here is your exercise for this week.

1. Brainstorm three areas you want to talk to your child about. Then journal about your own feeling regarding each.
2. Do some research and find a resource for each area and visti them to get reading material for your teen. Read it and journal about how the information makes you feel and what you think about it.
3. Pick one and talk to your teen about it his week. then journal about how it went and what you might want to consider doing or saying the next time. Then prepare for the next time.

Journal

Your exercise includes your journaling this week. However, if you find this cause you more anxiety journal about it.

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Week Nine Leaving: A Legacy of Authenticity

Welcome to Week Nine

What is a legacy? A legacy is more than the things you leave behind in a physical or monetary sense it ia also the kind of life you leave behind for others to follow. I have lost both of my parents. I often tell myself I am John and Augusta's daughter. This means to me that I am a very capapble person who can do anything I set my mind to.

My Dad John Webster Harvey served 30 years in working for the government. 20 years in the Army and 10 years in the Postal Service. He earned a double degree in Electronics and business. He was a great Bible teacher and taught me to love the Lord and the Jewish people.

My mother Augusta Thompson Harvey worked in the Air Force programming computers in the 1950's, the computer was across the street in a five story building. She left the Air Force to marry my Dad she was and Army wife for 14 years before she earned her degree in Library Science, she then became a Medical Librarian in a public hospital until she retired. She loved the Lord and often counseled young women who needed mothering.

My parents did leave some things which I greatly cherish. My Dad's marble chess set, and my Mom's drum tables purchased in Japan the year I was born. But, more than things they left me a legacy of serving people, being hospitable and loving God. They were both more than satisfied with who they were but never settled and pushed toward being better people all the time. I owe my desire to being more authentic to them in many ways.

In essence this series of blogs is my way of sharing their legacy to me with you. What kind of legacy do you want to leave your children. How will having been their parents leave them with a fuller richer life?

Here are you questions for this week:

1. What is living a spiritual life to you?
2. In three sentences write your own eulogy. What would you like people to say about you after you are gone?

Journal Assignment

During this next week think about you life and what things you would like your children to learn from watching you in your life. Remember children get 85% of what they learn through observation. Look at these two questions and see if you children will get the legacy of a better life from watching you.

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Week 2 Creating a Safe Place to Talk

Week 2 Face to Face

Over the years as I have worked with teens and parents one mistake I have seen parents make often is in thinking their teen needs less supervision and more trust. The teen years are a time of discovery children are exploring the world of adulthood. While trust is very important and we all want to trust we have good kids. Supervision is also an important aspect of this age.

This is a time for you to pay close attention to the social and emotional aspects of your teen's life. Ask questions, pay attention to their interactions when they are with their friends. Too often we think everything is fine. I suggest taking time to force your tween teen to cook dinner with you once a week. I have found while chopping veggies, measuring ingredients, kids will start talking. Take the time to listen to what they are saying; do not react just listen and hear what they are saying. As parents we want to rush in and fix things. However, this is the time to let kids figure it out for themselves when possible. If they ask for your advice of course give it to them, but reiterate the choice they make is theirs.

As parents of children who will shortly be making all of their own decisions in life we have to offer support, encouragement and a listening ear. Though we would love to continue to make all the decisions for them we ill handicap them in the long run by doing so.

We ofttimes over emphasize when a teen makes a mistake. Stop for a second and think about the last time someone magnified your mistake to you or others? What was your reaction and how did that over magnification make you feel? Do you really want to make your child to feel that way?

People make mistakes it is a part of life. The key as a parent is not tom make those mistakes bigger than they have to be. Making a mountain out of a molehill will only teach your teen you are not a safe place in times of trouble . which is the last thing you want. Help your teen go step by step in the process to examine where the mistake occurred help them to see where they went wrong. Then help them and support them as they correct the mistake. Making amends as needed and paying any reparations necessary.

Exercise

This exercise is something I would like you to practice during the whole challenge. It is both simple and complicated. Here it is:

When your child comes to you to talk about something. Either stop right then turn to them, look them in the eye and give them your full attention and focus on what they are saying to you. Or if you are in the middle of something give them a time to come back when they can have your full attention. Be sure if you do the second option you give them a specific time. For instance, "I want to hear what you have to say, but I have to finish this right now and I need 30 minutes to finish this. Come back so I can give you my complete undivided attention. Then when they do come back even if you are not finished take the time to give them just that.

Then later write in your journal about the experience. I will tell you now the goal of this exercise is to get you into the habit of tuning into your child on a purposeful and conscious level. The number one complate of teens is that their parents do not listen. This exercise will ensure you do listen to them when they come to you, every time.

Journal

Write about a time when you went to your parent as a teen and you felt as if they did not listen. How did you feel? What did you wish would happen?

Write about a time when your parents did listen to you. How did that make you feel?

When your write about your exercise take time to examine how you feel about taking this time to talk and listen to  your children.

I promise this will be challenging if you have not practiced this. It will also be challenging if you have. Be prepared this is not as simple as it sounds.But, the benefits you will gain from it are immeasurable.

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Welcome to Week Nine

Living an authentic life is often about being an open book. Opening your life up to those closest to you and living in such a way which inspires others to follow in your footsteps. This requires us to develop close and heart to heart relationships with those who mean the most to us in life. Namely our spouse and children.

Developing close relationships takes three things:

• Vulnerability
• Honesty
• Time

Vulnerability

This means we share what means the most to us our thought, feelings, and dreams. We lay them out for someone to see, examine, and maybe even criticize. While we hop we choose wisely and those we share with will guard our thoughts and feelings with great care, it is not guaranteed and that is what makes this both scary and brave. However, if we are going to live authentic lives vulnerability is required. Being true to ourselves means letting others not only see who we are but, also refusing to hide.

Honesty

Being truthful with ourselves and with others is probably the biggest part of living an authentic life. Learning to be honest and kind is another thought.

Honesty does not have to be brutal. Challenging ourselves to be honest yet spare the other persons feelings as much as possible takes lots of practice and caring. We often here that little white lies in order to spare someones feeling is okay. However, this is not authenticity. Lying in any form puts up barriers which can hinder the bonding of any relationship. However, it is one thing to say; I have no idea why you picked that dress it makes you look like a cow. And saying I like the color of the dress, but it makes your hips look wider than they actually are. These two statements in essence say the same thing. However, the first statement is hurtful and could feel judgmental while the second is factual and less astringent. Relationships are built on honesty. Authenticity is too. The more your practice being hones the more authentic your life will become.

Time

Relationships are built on getting to know one another. Authenticity is based on getting to know yourself. The only way to really get to the heart of who you are and live accordingly is through taking the time to examine yourself. The same is true of learning about others. It takes time to get to know someone else. Undivided quality time is something every relationship needs. This time is best spent doing fun and interactive activities, talking, time in person, on the phone, skypeing, or even texting are all ways to keep the lines of communication flowing.

Authenticity requires all of the above in our relationship with ourselves and others. Vulnerability, Honesty, and Time are all things we need to give to us and others in order to have a quality of life which allows us to be true to ourselves. Now Here are your next two questions:

1. Who are the most important people in your life and why?
2. In three sentences write down what you would like people to say in your eulogy. Are you living a life now which would cause people to say these thing? What needs to change if not?

During this week I encourage you to think about 

What Jewish people practice with their Teens; Christians do not

I have attended a Messianic Jewish Synagogue since March of 2010. Over the course of these years I have attended several Bar/Bat Mitzvahs'. In fact my Rabbi's daughter 
will do hers in March.

A Bar Mitzvah is the Jewish ceremony where a boy aged 13 after several years of study in Hebrew, Jewish law and the scriptures conducts their first service in the synagogue.

A Bat Mitzvah is the Jewish ceremony where a girl at leas 12 years and one day after doing study in Hebrew, Jewish Law and the scripture conducts their first service in the synagogue.

Children in synagogues all over the world are trained to not only know the scriptures but to be able to read them and give their own personal insights on what they mean. This ceremony is where these children become responsible for their own spiritual development. One thing I noticed about how important this may be. Is in the Scriptures after Jesus bar mitzvah we never again  hear about Joseph. Is this because once he became responsible for His own spiritual development? He no longer needed Joseph's spiritual covering, because he was now directly responsible to the Father for his own development? 

In the historical context this age is also the time when boys and girls began to prepare for their entry into the adult world through learning a trade or entering religious training for boys. Girls learned the skills of running a household.

Why is this important?

God has chosen the Jewish people as His object lesson on the Earth. He has given us instruction through them from the time of Abraham. There is a prevailing thought in today's world to consider pushing adulthood and maturity back further and further. Instead, we in the western world need to begin to expect more from our teens and not less. From the age of 10 we should be training our children to begin to take responsibility for their own spiritual and also begin learning about practical aspects of adulthood.

Once a child in our world reaches the age of 18 they are legally able to sign on the dotted line to purchase a house, to have a credit card, have a car, etc. But, in our culture less and less are they prepared to be able to do so on a practical level. Training children to do laundry, cook, sew on a button etc are all things they should be able to do by age 13, because the teen years should be spent learning about budgeting, credit, saving, thinking about career, and roles in life etc. In addition to all the wonderful things of being a teen like playing sports, school, relationships etc. Kids need to learn to all the things they will need in order to navigate the world as an adult. Here is my definition of being an adult.

Adult is defined as a person over the age of 18 who is capable and responsible. This person has the ability to participate fully in the world by: engaging in self-care, spiritual, family, work, and financial aspects of life with respect, attention, and well-thought through actions.

  Being an adult does not come easy a large part of it is making good decisions. Giving teens the chance to make decisions while they are home and you can guide them before, during, and after s success or  a failure.will give them the confidence to make decisions when you are not with them. This is what the Jewish people give to their children which the western world does not give to theirs. I encourage you to begin to think along these lines as you enter into the world of parenting teens.

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The Challenge of Parenting Teens Week One

Welcome to the Challenge!

Challenge Purpose

This challenge is designed to help parents to understand the development, thought processes, and needs of teens. Thus, giving parents the tools they need to empower teens to become strong, capable, and exceptional adults.

We are going to start this challenge by taking a walk down memory lane. This week I want you to think about your own teen years. What did you get from your parents that really helped you? What did you need from then and never really got? Was it easy or hard to go to your parents for love and support? What kinds of fun activities did you do together which made your relationship stronger?

We are starting here because most of us have forgotten what it was like to be this age. However, it was our experiences and remembered feelings, thoughts, successes and mistakes which will help us to better relate to where our children are in this stage; and maybe help us to both cut them some slack and expect more of them.

Here is your exercise. Post in the Challenge Group the answer to these following questions.

1. What was the best part of being a teen?
2. What was the worst part of being a teen?
3. If you could go back and give your teen self advice.What advice would you give?
4. Who was your best friend as a teen? Is that person still in your life? How did that relationship affect your growth into and adult?
5.  What did you think it meant to be an adult then versus what you found it to actually be?

Journal

In order for this challenge to really be effective for you journaling is very important. The goal of this is for you to think about your parenting and to grow not only as a parent but as a person. I am asking you to consider this passage and write about it at least three days over the next week.

Journal Writing Passage

Over the years the world has changed. Though there are some things which are still the same life has changed dramatically over the years. Using the answers to the above five questions take some time to think about today's world and consider how your teen years will be very different than your own child adolescence will be. Write down your feelings about your own teen years and the dreams you have for your child's teen years. 

Making the shift from raising your children to influencing your teen starts with recognizing just how wonderful and strong your kids are. Like it or not it is time to reflect back on the fact that you were not a baby anymore and neither are they. It is hard to see this child grow and become so independent of you. But, that is life! The true goal of every parent is to work themselves out of a job. The job of helping this person become who they were meant to be and then go out and conquer the world. This is the last stretch of that job. I am hoping this challenge will help you to prepare to finish strong!

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